Funerals and Ministering to the family
Pr Russ Willcocks’ notes
Among the highest of honours is to be invited to minister to a family in their time of grief. They will look to you for comfort, presence, direction and hope as they grieve the loss of their loved one, and now need to make arrangements.
• Work with the family re: personal items and counselling; and the funeral director on other details (the family will need to meet with their chosen funeral director) One of the main details to confirm early is the date and time of the wedding. Things to consider are the availability of: Family, Funeral Director, Venue, Musicians, and of course yourself!
• The pastor is often responsible for booking the Church, Musicians & Refreshment.
• Talking together with the family is very important and is usually best once the main family members are available. Give the family opportunity to share about their loved one. This facilitates the grieving process in a very healthy way, also bonding you to the family in a personal way. Ask the family questions like “Tell me about _______ to help me gain a better picture of their life..?” “What are some things you loved most about _______?” etc. – Take notes as people talk. If available, ask to look through the deceased person’s Bible, personal items etc and talk naturally with the family about the deceased to gain inspiration for the message of hope. Many things are shared that later you can craft into the service and your comments to make the service memorable and personal for the family.
• If the family needs an AV tribute, you may offer to do this for them so long as they give you a CD of about 50 digital photos. This allows you to use the best 40 photos or so to fit the length of music (usually about 40 photos).
• Ensure that the church is booked, along with someone to open it etc, musicians, flowers etc, as well as ensuring that the church is ready and clean for use
• Ensure that where there are songs to be sung that the words are provided either in a program or on the screen. If using hymns, note the hymn numbers as this helps the musicians using hymn books.
• Clarify with the funeral director who is doing the program, the song sheets, etc Clarify any announcements to be made before or after the service and use the funeral director as appropriate
• Clarify the procedure to happen at the end of the service – eg pallbearers, marching orders, music etc and make sure that the sound/ data technicians are also aware as necessary.
• Maps can be a handy way to ensure noone gets lost on the way to the cemetery.
Interment/ Graveside Service (see below for sample format)
• Work with the funeral director to make the graveside service flow smoothly. Sometimes the director will bring portable music which helps to create movement. Be comfortable, not awkward with the people gathered.
• If it is hot or rainy, an umbrella will help to keep you comfortable in the elements! Ensure that the family are all able to be close to the graveside
• Open with words of encouragement and welcome, followed by prayer.
• Be prepared for the weather, use a laminated card with the main Scriptures/ Committal etc (Laminated to protect it against the elements, and give it a long life) After the committal, invite family to pay their last respects/ say their goodbyes/ goodnights etc.
• Have the funeral director direct proceedings and make any necessary announcements etc.
• Some families will prefer to arrange petals to drop into the grave as a tangible way to farewell their loved one.
Following the service
• Often a family will wish to pay for your services. If I have the opportunity before the funeral is arranged, I explain that I am already paid for my services and there is no need for them to reimburse me. If the familystill insists that they would like to contribute in some way or has already arranged payment via the funeral director, then I will share a mission project or cause that they may like to support, and with their permission I will pass their gift on to our church treasurer for that project.
• For SDA families, register a RECORD obituary announcement using online form Note the deceased person’s date of death in your diary with the contact numbers for the family and remember to contact them each year to pray with them.
• Contact/visit the grieving family the day after the funeral service to say Hi Contact the grieving family a few weeks after to see if they are coping OK with the grief or need a visit to help them with this.
A Sample MEMORIAL Service – Graveside Service to follow
Welcome & Prayer
Scripture Reading
Congregational Song/Hymn
(Unchurched families may dispense with songs or substitute their own music)
LifeSketch
Sharing Time (if desired and if time permits)
On Screen Tribute (If this has been prepared)
Message of Hope (see sample ideas for sermons here)
Congregational Song/Hymn
Closing Prayer
Funeral Director calls Pallbearers to lead casket to the hearse. Pastor leads the pallbearers to the hearse and waits till the hears is closed. Sometimes the pastor then walks with the funeral director ahead of the hearse to the roadside, and may travel with the funeral director to the cemetery.
A Sample GRAVESIDE Service
Pastor ensure that all relevant family members are present before indicating to the funeral director to commence.
Pallbearers led from hearse to grave by Pastor (Music playing)
Welcome & Prayer
Final Words of Comfort & Hope (3-4 mins)
Prepare ahead so that you do not sound like you are merely repeating your earlier message.
Committal (Committal varies depending on whether or not the person was known to be a believer)
During the committal the casket is lowered into the grave. The family’s wishes regarding whether or not to sprinkle sand/soil on the casket as it descends are honoured here. Family pay their last respects at the graveside (often with petals).
I usually invite the family to come close around the graveside for the closing prayer..
Closing Prayer
Finish by going straight to key family members to greet them briefly to express your care.
A Sample MEMORIAL Service – Cremation to Follow
Welcome & Prayer
Scripture Reading
Congregational Song/Hymn
(Unchurched families may dispense with songs or substitute their own music)
LifeSketch
Sharing Time (if desired and if time permits)
On Screen Tribute (If this has been prepared)
Message of Hope
Congregational Song/Hymn
Closing Prayer and Committal
(Committal varies depending on whether or not the person was known to be a believer)
Curtains close (if at a funeral home)
OR
Funeral Director calls Pallbearers to lead casket to the hearse. Funeral Director Pastor leads the pallbearers to the hearse and waits till the hears is closed. Sometimes the pastor then walks with the funeral director ahead of the hearse to the roadside before returning.